mantelpiece memories

wake up and smell the roses
how long will i remain a picture on the mantle
a picture your mom put there of a time we all knew
a time when all was good
when your parents still loved each other
remember the songs from Sunday school

painted by brushstrokes of love
picture bought at a yard sale for a buck
she loved to look at the picture
dream of the life i gave her

wake up and smell the roses
how long will i remain a thought in your mind
remember when we talked every night
remember when I showed you it was all alright

lets remember those nights
tears to the chime of crickets wings
come closer till you see me in sight
till you sleep well just sing

painted by brushstrokes of love
picture bought at a yard sale for a buck
you know me, I know you
well hang till the brake of dawn

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am i a lab rat.. awe yes, eek eek

those of you who have a self denial of ADD and ADHD ignore this (i suffer your plythe - made up word for ignorance of what is obvious and factual, it is clinical and real, face it) well i am off the stratera, clean for about four weeks, after the girlie man incedent and nasty side effects i figured it wasnt worth it. im on to bigger and better rx's now. welcome the intrusion, adderall. well i will list the side effects once i see the effects in me. the thought of legalized and low ammounts of amphetamine slightly hinders my desires to fix me yet at the same time i say bring them on only 2.5mgs a day so far, we'll kick it up here soon.

living with a condition that 98% of people say "oh i totally know what you are talking about" when in reality they haven't a clue, is a far cry of ill compassion. the distance between my sanity and crazy insanity is.. well... all my scales measure in 16ths, not small enough. the stuff that goes through my head on a daily basis, no on an hourly basis, no, smaller, on a five minute basis has enough information to keep the common person busy for days and i somehow am suppose to or expected to suppress this to simple coplenar thoughts of educated speech efforts and rigid feelings. pssh. teachers, professors, adults, parents, head this warning, we think mucho differently, you dream to be rich and wealthy, own a big house have the perfect family, have all your dreams come true. do you know my wildest dream? to be able to comprehend just a few days of life and be able to do and think like the person next to me. aye, don't talk to me about how you relate, lets see the test scores, mwah, shut it. i get really sick of people who second guess the subject and play it off as relative to doctors prescribing meds just to get incentives from the drug companies. true this may happen but that doesnt mean it is all made up. live a day in my shoes and then we can talk, well if i had the choice, your shoes are mine, see ya, *shaun is outta here in your shoes faster than speedy gonzalez wearing jet shoes*

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big boys don’t cry

I never meant to fail you
in fact I only meant to make you proud
your look of anger broke my heart
this only leads to a dead end start

look at me now, I know you'd be proud
I know you would love me now
you could find a sure way how

my eyes teared, you said big boys don't cry
I say only real men cry, but you made me shy
I say who's the real man now
am I weaker 'cause of the tears?
they don't drown me
with them I learned to swim

look at me now, I know you'd be proud
you would love me now, you could find a way how

did I fail you?
would I make you proud?
would I make you smile now?

my anger has left
with the setting sun
no anger left, I think I’m done

did I fail you?
would I make you proud?
would I make you smile now?

tomorrow's another day
don't worry dad, I’ll make it to stay
nothing can stop me now
I’m going to make it, I promise I’ll show you how

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Abel’s day

where’s your brother, i hear his cry
where’s your brother, why must he die
you were the first of Eves
you'll never forget this with ease

the hate of friends
a brothers end
your gift was good
but your heart withstood

see the sin that waits at the door
you can’t stand, you’ll fall for sure
you'll leave my side
to be a wanderer you'll abide

though your blood line will fall
though your sin, you could withdraw
it'll lead mankind to drown
its holding you down, you’re tied down

help me, take me, save me
chase me, break me, fill me
lead me, guide me, forgive me
take my life, take my heart

I’ll follow, I’m turning around,
I love you, I hear your sound
I cant drown the world in my mistake
I surrender my life its here to break

help me, take me, save me
chase me, break me, fill me
lead me, guide me, forgive me
take my life, take my heart

...read more on "Abel’s day"!

Legos and Architecture

awe the days of constructing housing communities out of legos for ants and building beautiful dream homes for all the bugs i use to catch outside under the bricks is yet behind me. no longer must we rely on directions printed to "3 year old plus" mentality. we are now in a day of building to standards set and imposed from the government to build safe structures of eye popping eye candy. oh the eye candy in the two and three story homes that lizzy lived in (my pet lizard), now that was one eye candy creation, all complete with roof propeller and all the colors of legos.
well the day has come, last friday i submitted plans for our home addition to add on 492 sq. ft. livable space and 160 sq. ft. of patio space. it will be nice, it will add approximately $43,000 of value to our home. that is quite amazing when compared to lizzy's mansion. when i added the third floor for lizzy it was approximately $0.73 of total valuation. it is not of need to compare prices for my living compared to lizzy and all the other backyard neighbors, the price is quite weighing.
well when there comes the day of a mini-shaun running a muck in the world be sure to it that he too shall be known as the finesse of lego dream home builders for all the backyard critters, awe yes the day to pass on my skill to yet another generation of fine builders, just remember to leave holes for breathing, but not to big that they get out, your mom will have a cow.
dukaga es me

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the blue mo0n has passed

aye yae yae. the point of all my desires to study such deep knowledge finally brought me to the end, not the end of life, just the date i was scheduled to go put to use all that my mind had put to studying, a way of measuring what my couple pounded brain was able to soak up form words on a paper. oh i studyed probably eleventeen pounds worth of knowledge, unfortunatlely my brains capacity is only about 3 oz. dont laugh they say that we only use a tenth of our brain, two pounds = 32 ounces, 10% would be 3.2 oz. so i am two tenths short of full capacity i guess. so if that would be put to grade you could subtract 20% from my grade. so scientifically i should recieve an 80% on my test, wha hooo. thats really not that bad, it was frickin hard, give me a break. you'd a choked for sure. well its behind me now. i wont be able to get my test scores till the end of this month so stay tuned for the blue moons results on the earths mass in relation to brain activity.

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crimson clouds of pain

the slow wind begins to form
the calm before the storm
though I know the pain ahead
to run out, I turn my head

will you follow, will you come
these storm clouds soon hide the sun
tears of rain fall from clouds above
I look straight up for a dove

send your peace, break the night
dry the clouds come down tonight
I seek to find your wings of grace
I need to feel your warm embrace

I sink beneath the falling rain
to deal with this blood covered stain
take my hand, to my feet I gain
I’m giving to you my sin covered pain

the dove broke the clouds in the sky
I look up tonight, I know its right
only you could make me feel alive
for all I’ve done why must you die

for me to be free to live again
you had to take my ill hearted sin
this undeserved gift is your pain
yet I was the one to blame

you're so holy, I’m in shame
you're so perfect, I’m to blame
to you I owe a thanks for life
I give in to you, I choose life

I choose life, I choose the light
I choose life, I choose your sight
I choose you, I know it’s right
I choose you, I know its right
I know it’s right, I know it’s right

...read more on "crimson clouds of pain"!

blood and thorns

dirt under my nails
mud kicked in my face
covered by filth
you've beaten me down

thorns in my flesh
blood has covered my body
I’m bleeding, my blood is pouring
care to throw a towel

you called me a friend
now you want to kill me
you called me a brother
now you try to bury me

my offer still stands
drive the nails through my hands
I love you with every heartbeat
drive the nails through my feet

you can't run out on me
I’ll be there, I’ll always be there
I’ve taken everything that you did wrong
now it's gone, it's all gone

...read more on "blood and thorns"!

copycat chasers

corrupted soul of anger, of hate
jealousy that brings my heart to flames
trying to quench my desires to be like everyone else
I’ll never succeed to be like them

uncorrupted love and peace you’ve offered
copycat chaser, I’m chasing after nothing
chasing after something that’s just dying
I’m turning to you, they’ll never get me anywhere

advancing backwards is the direction ahead
ill turn around to follow you who gave
you’ve given more then those I follow
I’m following people into bottomless pits

you gave, you give and will continue to give
they took, they take, and’ll continue the same

I’m just a copycat chaser
chasing everything that fails
chasing everyone’s tails
chasing everything that fails

take me as I turn to you
guide me along the still waters
we’ll sing beautiful songs of praise
we sing praise together till the break of dawn

...read more on "copycat chasers"!

the story behind the movie: cHeZ

well there is no movie. sorry.
o.k. people are asking where the nickname cHeZ for krisann came from. i would refer to krisann to my american-hispanic (for all those PC'ers out there, it just meant he is a mexican, he don't care whatcha call him) neighbor as kri-sanchez, all because of another american-hispanic (PC term) friend named shane sanchez. well jody my neighbor told me of the actor named chris sanchez and we laughed at how close it is to kri-sanchez, then one of us said cHeZ, and well now it's stuck. jody, do you even remember her real name.. lol. she even answers to it too, try it, see if it works. don't tell her i told you, ;)

...read more on "the story behind the movie: cHeZ"!

the periodic elements made me a girlie man

yeah, so i tried stratera (the pills for adhd with stupid side effects) for a little over a month and i'm done. one got stuck in my esophagus, cHeZ taught me to swallow pills without water.. man i'm an idiot.. DO NOT DO AS I DO. it created some sort of burn in my lower epigastric region (lower esophagus), which has now turned into a hemereging, bleeding ulcer (probably at least, psssh, i mean c'mon) and it is the second worst pain in my life, next to an impacted infected molar that had raised out of its tooth bed because of the infection... trying to erase the memories. well i cant finish meals because it hurts.
i, by arnold schwarzenegger's standard, proudly wear the title "i am a girly man". mommy it hurts, wait that was out loud. so i have to go get an Upper GI (UGI), this is the worst doctor examine ever. i had to eat a spoonful of these crystals that expand your esophagus and stomache then drink about eleventeen (11-teen) drops of water which sure isn't enough. then chug this 8oz. cup of nasty imitation fruit flavored ick. of course it is about the consistency to toxic sludge but colored grayish white to cover up the glowing radioactivity. it is made up of boron nitrate, i do believe this is on the periodic table of elements, aye aye. this was worse then any drink on fear factor. then the doc has me twisting and contorting to get some x-rays. then comes the next 8oz. this a little thinner. doc says, "oh here this is good, its thinner and tastes good, mmm, tastes like cake batter, huh?" shaun in turn thinks quietly to myself, " hey doc, either drink up or shut up, this is what they should be feeding the terrorists at the camps, i am in pain and you're shoving periodic elements down my throat and having too much fun." i think now that the pain and suffering outweighed the toxic sludge i downed. oh and those crystals with all the movement and contorting causes much desire to burp, and then doc says, "don't burp or puke, if you do you will have to come back and do this again." well i didnt puke or burp, ok i burped a little, but what he didnt know won't hurt him, eh?

dukaga es me

...read more on "the periodic elements made me a girlie man"!

meds that do more harm than good..

those of you do have a self denial of ADD and ADHD ignore this (i suffer your plythe - made up word for ignorance of what is obvious and factual, it is clinical and real, face it), anyways... well i started stratera about a month ago.. its plainly horibbbbble!
Common Strattera (atomoxetine) side effects include (but not limited to):
(the ones in red are side affects i have suffered)
_ Problems sleeping/Insomnia
_ Dry mouth
_ Decreased appetite
_ Weight loss
_ Upset stomach
_ Constipation
_ Nausea and/or vomiting
_ Dizziness
_ Tiredness
_ Mood swings
_ Ear infection
_ Influenza
_ Irritability

...read more on "meds that do more harm than good.."!

D3AD3R THAN A D00RNA1L

one of my first bonsai's that i created from nursery stock. it died months later, ghadzucks... i hate the arizona heat, sun let us be.. quit killing all my stuff, gossshhhh. (napolean dynamite, i love him)
dukaga es me

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CaSTLE

you can play this wonderful game called 'Castle' at http://www.xgenstudios.com/play/castle/. but i doubt you can beat my high score.. and i am still going strong, this is a screen shot at level 173. muah...

currently on level 193, here are my current stats:
kills: 831,000
total monies: 174,660,595
builders: 1,200
archers: 2,530
mages: 1,000

dukaga es me

...read more on "CaSTLE"!

my childhood aspirations

as I look through the window pains
I see my whole life in the frames
as transparent as the glass
I sit and gaze upon my past

the candle burns below the brim
in the night the light grows dim
I see a reflection of a 6 year old
a child with heart of pride I’m told

am I what my dreams were then?
can I stand to breathe again?
have I really proven them right?
in my eyes it looks so bright

dreams of an aspiration
a long road of hesitation
I will, I can, I’ll prove 'em wrong
I’ll go, I know the road is long

a 6 year old, a life to gain
I’m old now, I’m running in pain
my life now I wont restrain
my 6 year old pace i must regain

little child I wont give up
young boy listen and sit up
I’ll prove 'em wrong, we'll be right
we can do it, we have it in sight

your faith is young as a child
more then mine, it’s so mild
through the frame of the window pane
you bring me joy to run again

ill run the race
ill set my pace
the finish line I’ll embrace
break the tape I finish with grace

thank you boy, my life, my heart
we are the same, just years apart
to see my past, to know my heart
I’ll remember you, perfect place to start

...read more on "my childhood aspirations"!

[A2r0n]x[N*MB]

[A2r0n]x[N*MB]
good page, i like it a lot, i am hoping to learn a thing or two in this world of eye candy tech.
spudnik_33

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blue moons of testing my brains movement

studying... for school tests, no, oh but for licensing test, yessss. this is not on the verges of easiness lest any man should boast.. it relates me to the thoughts of climbing a nylon rope in the rain.. i have now slipped to the end. thus tying a not at the end has readily saved my life.. thanks to royal rangers i know how to tie a knot to save my life, b-dart (bryan dartanian for long) was told he couldn't tie a knot to save his life, bryan good thing you arent studying for my test. yes three days left till friday the day of dreariness, though i make it, may i wake up saturday morning afreshed and anew, senses may revitalize my blood flow to newer hieghts of putting day old tests long behind me to allow my youthfulness to carry on longer strides, awwww yessssss. good bye till next, may the dew fall sweetly on our foreheads till our gazing on the clouds turns to daydreams of a lifetime away.

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