forgetful hurting memories

i never meant to leave you for so long.
friends reminded me of your absence.
my disclosure was for no reason.
im still here may i never depart.
thanks for sending messages to my friends of our memories.
would i of ever came back without them.
possibilites are endless.
chances are taken, some regretted some lived with exceptions.
this was one too long without.
to write you letters in a line to spell the word love.
never stop that for me, i too will return again.
parting always brings such sweet sorrow.
returning brings tears of joy.
i weep joy for you this day.
im here, i remain, till i can write again.
.peace.
.goodnight.

...read more on "forgetful hurting memories"!

reformed to end

you can't rewrite history
you can't rewrite your wrongs
begin to start again
from the start repeat herein

i am no boar in the vineyard
truth lives, truth stands high
in the advent of crosswinds
let my stake stand vert
am i just an invasion to the wronged?
or am i an outcome to the caused?

take to the streets, fire brings warmth
lies bring death, burn the fire bigger
more lie filled paper to kindle heat
the flames stand a test of time

i tell you fear the rod and cry softly
am i a brand plucked from the burning?
i stare out of the second story window
the house is in flames, burn to the ground

you've convinced me of absolute impossibility
can i live at half mast, doubted part way
i will catologue my weakness
establish rules to overcome them

i went to them to convert
but whos here to convert me
lost by my own words
lifes great mystery is my own pit

its a quarter till nine
i feel my heart grow strangely warm
im saved from my pit, my sin, my own death
this unparalleled energy is my assurance

is my rebelliousness to tyrants obedience to truth?
im led by the cloud and fire above
most assuredly im justified
i take the sword to swing lifes end

...read more on "reformed to end"!

redemption satisfaction

yeah you feel bad for all the inconsiderations
not because how i feel but because you forgot
it's natural to cover up the ugliness
whitewash the dark to coverup the scales

don't you know that makeup washes off
under the mask all is dirty
the rain falls day after day
the tears of pain of times forgotten

the rain washes the paint off
the makeup slides off to show the underside
my tears are cleansing in the undertide
im letting go of what is remembered

there is no capacity to radiate the dark
night falls too low to shine above the horizon
a new day of cleansing comes, it's to come
breathe of forgiveness comes at a new dawn

tears of anger brings tears of joy
where death ends life may begin
walk together into a new era of life
era that brings redemption satisfaction

these puddles are ours to watch
to see the relection of tearing eyes
dry up there weary child, look up
dawn has peaked, the sun as broken the horizon

redemption satisfaction has cleared my palate
i speak words of love, of deliverance
our hands hold, soft embrace of deep love
let us tie this day into sweet lullabies

goodbye my darling, walk into new eras

...read more on "redemption satisfaction"!

Better off

too bad you dont own me any more
slavery has been abolished in times past
my slavehood is my choice to live now
let the chains fall beneath my feet

i will no longer be a slave to the law
i am a slave by choice to the one who calls my name
his voice is silent yet beautiful
deep enough to break my hardest feelings

you can't control me, i know its hard letting go
it must be harder saying good bye, sweet smiles
this must be the end of our long road
my hands are blackened by soot, you led me down

im choosing to follow he who leads lovely
one till the end of hopes of a happy ending
this is my good bye, must be sad being you
my smiles never were so big to say goodbye

pressures release to find new life
too bad you couldnt hold on any longer
but believe me, we were better off apart
you bound me, we struggled to see eyes

i am better off without you
oh i am so much better
see me to the door, it will be a soft ending
i am better off with out you

peace will never enter your lips
how can hell even suffice your evil
care for a glass of water, ah ah ah, be gone
this life i choose to live shall live me free

im better off without you
im so much better
oh see me, i am so much better now, oh ah ohhh
i am better off with out you

...read more on "Better off"!

fake pageants

as she steps out of the limo
her high heel strikes the puddle
elegant red dress glistens tonight
hair in perfect form, princess

makeup three layers thick
pageant to place first is the hope
a heart so shy to feel suppressed
yet stands with a smile ear to ear

lets rewind to the beginning
a long road to obtain what’s grasped
clinched in hands weaved with practice
not to let go, it has cost everything

beginnings, lets observe
self worth at a low
cant keep what’s down for the sake of Barbie
waiting for her Ken to come at whatever cost

mirror bought at a carnival
in her mind distorts the picture present
mirror, mirror on the wall tells lies without words
she can’t see the beauty hidden by lies

just to hear Ken tell you how special
live illful to please him, a special man
he whispers passion, you hears lies
no one will win till you lose

give it away let beauty enter in
take what is given on the outside
make it perfect on the inside
a heart, a mind of acceptance

see what we see
a molded beauty
don’t go too far
till it’s too late

don’t go under the knife
fake is not beauty
anyone can mold clay
only some can mold oneself

you are beautiful beyond words
what can I give
what can I tell
till you believe?

fake pageant
beauty skin deep
real acceptance
beauty a hearts depth

...read more on "fake pageants"!

bleed the end

selfworth, degraded below sea-level
standing tall i'm shorter then lying flat
crush my walls to my ill heart
i bleed through holes of pity

pressed and squeezed so tight
i dont think i can fight
everday its always me thats not right
will i ever have light in my sight

rubbage, its like yesterdays recycle
i want away, to escape my mind
you dont understand, you can't
quit wasting our time saying you do

it's not the same in my head as yours
i mean well but i lose even better
time will tell i'm just an empty shell
what will end it, bring it down

life is long, shorter if ended
but maybe shorter well spent
night after night i reflect
i'll drown in my own pool of tears

contemplating to break it
shattered bulb begins the end
stumbling in the dark
will i ever see again?

or traverse still dying everyday
they call me foolish but i meant well i swear
take it or i'll brake it
i cant be in control

if i lead i'll probably end it
ill give it to you
take the reigns, take the lead
if not, tonight im going to bleed

i'll bleed the shorter end
i'll bleed at the shallow bend
take the lead or i'll bleed the end
take the lead or it'll be the end

...read more on "bleed the end"!

Slashdot | Microsoft Says Firefox Not a Threat to IE

Microsoft never ceases to amaze me at there stupidty of brilliance. Once again M$ makes public fools of themselves...
Slashdot | Microsoft Says Firefox Not a Threat to IE: "'A CNET article claims that 'just days after the launch of open-source browser Firefox 1.0, Microsoft executives defended Internet Explorer, saying it is no less secure than any other browser and doesn't lack any important features.' It's also interesting to note that these statements made by Steve Vamos, Microsoft Australia's managing director, come with no knowledge of what Firefox has to offer as he admits not even installing or using Firefox.'"

Only pure brilliance would say diss something without trying it, nah, don't think so.

...read more on "Slashdot | Microsoft Says Firefox Not a Threat to IE"!

reformat to end the old and bring the new

shut down the power strip
turn off my pride
is it all about me?
shut me down, hard reset

programs are open
pride speaking through digital mainframe
reset, no need to do this right
if it formats all is ok

it's not about me
my window only reflects myself
i've created a mirror out of my glass box
give me a hammer to break out

my prison is myself
held in by boasting
i’m truly empty inside
puffed up by emotions

surrender these broken shards of glass
to be broken is to live again
if i die, ill breathe again
reborn is better then the sight in these mirrors

powered down, i’m done with myself
reboot me and reformat with anew
breathe a breathe of fresh air
i’m new without the old

...read more on "reformat to end the old and bring the new"!

destination home

trees at seventy miles an hour
hundred and thirty three miles to go
eighth of a tank wont get us there
stopping in the bitter cold

fill this empty tank up
my heart will get filled at the destination
stark night at two a.m.
we will get there before dawn

fog on the windows
defrost can't quench the bitter cold
headlights turn to beams in the fog


mile markers fly by
countdown till our destination
one by one we continue to subtract
well be there before we know it

these destination streets are right
we follow these stripes home tonight

...read more on "destination home"!

broken treaty

i signed the treaty
yet you wage war
must i fight
or shall i retreat

after the fight
we all called peace
we know it wasn’t right
yet you still wanna fight

after all is said and done
lets sit to talk
every time you always run
maybe we can go for a walk

dear lets not despair
not everything has to be fair
i lock my lips
i'll end it this time

throw your hands in the air
clenched fists gets no where
stand to turn around
lets meet face to face

your anger turns to factions
create your militias
destroy battle grounds
fight the war, the treaty is broken

you bleed hate
i bleed fear
you want away
i want closure

sit to talk
pen in hand
sign the paper
the peace is safer

to run out is broken disaster
we can sign the treaty
friends till the end
we can hug, kiss, and make up

...read more on "broken treaty"!

falling away

your convicting eyes threaten me down
below cascading tears of sorrow
your convicting eyes push me down
to the ground my face down

shards of glass penetrate my heart
your thrusting stabs are convincing me
you change my mind without my commitment
its all fake, pain has changed my mind

but what i want to know
but what i need to know
will you be there tomorrow
will it be another day of sorrow

your convicting eyes hold me down
face down in the mud
your convicting eyes beat me down
face down im gonna drown

the tides change
to my feet i regain
you can fight my restrain
whats left is not even a stain

i beat you down, you are nothing
i suffer your plythe
you're absence is only a memory
like that you are gone

now whose face is in the mud
weasel yourself to be a worm
dwell in the mud, eat it you filth
live there for ever

my hate for you grows to a lot of faith
fate of hate is how the love should of started
my love for you is gone, be dead to me
i'm letting go
falling away
falling away
falling away

...read more on "falling away"!

the parades end

masterpiece of fingers all pointing towards the tiger
lets get up and finish the circus, the parade is almost over
untrimmed hearts of flesh, cold and all dried out
we are what we wanna be, the best of the worst till today

rowing on, lets move down, we can go, finish strong
i know where we are suppose to be, we missed the approach yesterday
if we try today then maybe we can finish it tomorrow
one approach a day, set the gear in the path

get the tiger on, we mustn’t waste now
this time if we miss it were through
we are wasting time, the tiger is waving us down
he is directing us on the right flight path now

surrender to his negotiation, he knows what is right
we can see and sense his splendor is in sight
land the plane, pick him up
if we don’t get him our lives are far stuck

let him fly, lets take his course
he’s flown before, we jumped out on him
its our turn now to depend on him
he’s a friend to take us to the end

...read more on "the parades end"!

iscariot's bitter demise

are you you, or are you a fake?
i need to know, i have my doubts, they've told me
you are not who u say u are, tell me is it lies
i need to know now, i’m dependent on your answer

if you are not who u say u are then what is this
if i’m not dependent on your offering, then what’s it worth
i get it, some money will buy me out, i can betray
life will go on, money will fix it all

i kiss you goodnight on your cheek, peace
you are collapsed and bound now
was it right, is anything right?
am i to determine this? we sat at the table to dine

we ate and u offered to buy, does that mark my doomsday
i shouldn’t of given in, am i to blame?
i’m going to run out on this one, you have heard the last of me
good by and good night for the last time...

good bye for eternity
good night

...read more on "iscariot's bitter demise"!

neglect to reflect

i see you staring at me, i’m staring right through you
wont you come hold me, come be with me
tonight will never end, we can romance under these stars
what is life without you, nothing, wasted days

i don’t want to waste it this time, too much idle time
lets make this worth it, we can begin again
lets put what’s behind us behind
lets put what’s ahead in its place

i see you staring at me, i see you, we meet eye to eye
i want more, i desire to know you deeper
i don’t want this time to end, will we do this again?
if i waste it this time it becomes nothing, wasted days

time and time again i reflect
missed opportunities
plans unfinished
regrets grown large
despair in focus
time and time again i neglect

lets do this right, lets take a stab
i know its worth it
we can walk on clouds not needing anything
i have you, its all sufficient

we’re at the end of the road
where choices are made
lets do this right
ill go with you tonight

...read more on "neglect to reflect"!

bridges fall, buildings collapse

ok here we go, can we do this for the first time
its a matter of chances
we'll nail it soon
its a matter of chances

nothing is alright
does anything seem different
same questions yield same answers
why waste our time

here we go, lets do this again
its a matter of choices
we got it, its right
its a matter of choices

if we do what we know then all is right
everything will lead to something new
bridges fall, buildings destroyed
aftermath in the break of new dawn

are we in the wake of disaster?
the walls are crumbling on me
light broke through
i see the ram on the other side

attacks are desperate
everything is a cess pool of carnage
i cling to rubble to stay up
you wont take me oh death, i have an avenger
where is your sting, be gone
come together my past

walls are aligning themselves
dust has returned dormant
rocks fit tight again
am i writing my wrongs

light has shown down again
there is no strength in disaster
strength is to rebuild again
i will stand on the mountain that was destroyed

here we go, lets do this again
its a matter of choices
we got it, its right
its a matter of choices

...read more on "bridges fall, buildings collapse"!

the long way home

i took the long way home
just to hear you whisper in my ear
words of love
all calibrated to my hearts emotions

can we feel the same, I don’t feel alone
we feel deeper than we can be
this love will bridge a century
our compassion will grow as hard as stone

i took the long way home
all I wanted was you, for me to hear
words of compassion
settled into a developed emotion

it feels so good to feel so right
hearts are bound for life
they say its all emotions
we’ll prove them wrong with our progress

we’ll bridge a lifetime of roads
all weaved into a love so thick
this love can’t be untied
let’s drive this love once again

...read more on "the long way home"!

incoherent thoughts

here i am, sleeves all rolled up
there you go, talking to empty air
here i am, ready to pick up the pieces
there you go, mindless of my presence

see me, to be me, just release it
gazing blindly, the thoughtless eyes
staring into where? empty air
walking slowly, the thoughtless steps

here i am, dirty hands, work to do
there you go, pondering flawlessly
here i am, reconstructing brokenness
there you go, looking incoherently

see me, don’t distract, come to me
eye to eye, you feel it's right
your refrainment ties my hands
loose your grip, release me, come to me

beauty of my presence fills your abyss
the bridge to your emptiness is my embrace
we will swing on chariots of love
the paradise of wholeness fills your emptiness

here i am, picking up the pieces
you are here, handing me the brokenness
here i am, where true love abides
you are hear, healed and by my side

unending grace, love eternal
what could pay back this gift
my pieces are mended and healed
i now know my serenity, my eternity is sealed

precious one, morning star
your son is so bright
pierced my heart tonight
precious one, morning star

thank you, I lay down to night
before I wake
my soul please take
thank you, I lay down tonight

...read more on "incoherent thoughts"!

no recess today, inside watching pinnochio

"well kids it's a rainy day schedule so after lunch come back to class to watch a cartoon", those were the best days in school. i remember rainy day schedules like they were yesterday. well it is thursday and its a rainy day schedule and concrete is coming saturday at 8 in the morning. if it is raining then i will shoot the clouds with a cloud gun, or something that will hurt the stupid clouds. i love rain, dont get me wrong, i could live in a state that was cloudy all the time, my favorite color is gray, but im not a person of gloom and despair, i just love clouds and rain. rain can tend to be a love hate relationship, just like satan.. its a 'i love to hate him' and 'hate to love him' relationship.. whats he think, he is so dumb. i would say to the rain clouds to flod him but we will let him roast..
so yes concrete will be here on saturday, NG Gritz, the rockstar plumber did a swell jorb on the plumbing at my house. first time pass for city inspection. hopefully we can start framing next week. rock on..

...read more on "no recess today, inside watching pinnochio"!

lego architecture for big boys

the finnese of fine lego architecture is thoughtless compared to the daunting task before us. jesse the rockstar plumber, or better known as 'NG gritz' is one awesome dude. he is willing to give his time to help me, reflections of who humankind is suppose to be. well i met with jose on saturday, and he bagan this morning. the agonizing dreaded 'BOOM' of the heartbeat of monday sounded at 6:45 as chez woke me up. i spent the first hour of the worst day of the week with jose and all seems to be on the same page. today he will have footers ready for concrete and NG gritz will finish up plumbing today.
--==warp out of story==--
the behind the scenes of 'NG gritz'. jade, amy, jon, andrew, jesse, and myself went to waffle house at midnight last week. jesse had never been to a waffle house. as the rest of us are all drawn to it like a pop-tab is drawn to a dr. pepper can. we never bnothered looking at the menu, for we knew'd what we wanted. jesse thought the waitress was going to read it to us, idiot. well he orders some food and hash browns. after several minutes of mouth watering minutes smelling the food cooked the cook turns around and points at me and says 'chris' and i in turn pointed to me and said 'no, i'm shaun', he then preoceeded to give me the funniest look as everyone started laughing. in reality, which i rarely venture in, he turned, pointed, and said 'grits' not 'chris' then when i realized it it was jesse that ordered hashbrowns not grits so i said no he's grits but actually got hashbrown not grits. the ng was a trademark from jade. whne we first get there jeese disapears to the bathroom, as if u need to wash your hands before eating at waffle house. jade leans to me and says, 'hey whats the new guy's name' and i said jesse but you can call him 'new guy'. so jesse returns and jade invites 'new guy' to sit next to him. Jesse in return says, 'oh no, just call me NG'. so jesse the rockstar plumber is now NG gritz.
--==warp back to story==--
we will have an inspection of plumbing tomorrow and hopefully be pouring concrete this coming saturday. stay tuned to the next installment of lego architecture for big boys. till next time, this is me signing out

...read more on "lego architecture for big boys"!

Blue moons results on the earths mass in relation to brain activity

Oh the joy, oh the inspiration, the dawn of another passage into what seems to be an endless fury on the narrow road paved by love but littered with stumbling blocks of one yet trying to stop our ascent to that narrow gate. The thief who strives to divert our eyes off the road will burn with the torment he has given, it will burn jealousy in his heart of us who has turned from him. How can one get pleasure in knowing we are turning away from the one who created him? Well it will come to him in his day. Yet the dawn of this passage is here. I step through and know that the stumbling blocks are coming, oh, but I will turn them into stepping stones, thanks to the thief who provided these stumbling stones, I only use them as stepping stones to achieve what he set out to destroy. Lets look back on the emergence of the dawn.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
aye yae yae. The point of all my desires to study such deep knowledge finally brought me to the end, not the end of life, just the date I was scheduled to go put to use all that my mind had put to studying, a way of measuring what my couple pounded brain was able to soak up form words on a paper. Oh I studied probably eleventeen pounds worth of knowledge, unfortunately my brains capacity is only about 3 oz. Don't laugh they say that we only use a tenth of our brain, two pounds = 32 ounces, 10% would be 3.2 oz. So I am two tenths short of full capacity I guess. So if that would be put to grade you could subtract 20% from my grade. So scientifically I should receive an 80% on my test, wha hooo. That's really not that bad, it was frickin hard, give me a break. you'd a choked for sure. Well its behind me now. I wont be able to get my test scores till the end of this month so stay tuned for the blue moons results on the earths mass in relation to brain activity.

Well here are blue moons results on the earths mass in relation to brain activity. Those of whom (you may be one yourself) thought that my calculations were a far plythe from reality, be gone. The scientifical approach I took seems to be one of more than the least amount of hypothetical reasoning. My expected 80% on the test turned out to be an understatement. My calculations of 3oz. must of been slightly off, it was an actual 3.7oz. to be exact to give me a positive score of 86% therefore passing and receiving the letter to step in and venture into the new dawn. Son of man, sun of morning here I come.

...read more on "Blue moons results on the earths mass in relation to brain activity"!